Comfort Dog Sues Owner in Landmark Case

by Vincent Borgese

Portland, Oregon — On Tuesday, February 7th, the Multnomah County Courthouse will be the stage for the first suit brought by an emotional support animal against its owner. Puddles, comfort dog of Virginia Obermeyer of Portland, will bring suit against his owner for cruel and unusual punishment challenging his rights as a comfort dog. Court documents show Puddles was forced to fly against his will and made to sleep on the bacteria-ladened floor of a Boeing 737 at his owner’s feet while being denied use of a restroom on a seven-hour flight. Attorneys from PETA, representing all emotional support animals, will argue that a comfort animal has the Right of First Refusal, and cannot be forced to accompany its owner without prior written consent of the animal.

“I have issues of my own,” chided Puddles, “but it seems my own needs take a backseat when it comes to my physical and mental well-being in favor of Ms. Obermeyer’s.” Pausing for a bit to scratch behind his ear, he continued, “To be brutally honest, the woman smells like onions and alcohol 24/7, smokes like a chimney, and feeds me a daily diet of Cheetos in beef broth.” Attorney Sheryl Katz, of the firm Katz, Katz, and More Katz, will be representing Ms. Obermeyer and refused to comment at this stage in the trial.

If the court rules in favor of Puddles, PETA will be on its way to establishing a landmark case that could, one day, make it all the way to the Supreme Court. “It’s not about the money,” said Puddles, this time taking a moment to lick his genital area, “it’s about providing a level of dignity and respect for all comfort animals.” A solemn look overcame him. “Listen, I’m considered a large breed. I have, at best, five or six years left on this earth before I’m taken on a one-way trip to the vet’s office. I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing this for all comfort animals: the dogs, the birds, the rabbits — and yes — even the cats. If that makes me a — quote/unquote — ‘bad dog,’ then so be it.”