Paleo Speak

by Vincent Borgese

So ……………… the fact of the matter is, at the end of the day, it’s a no-brainer — and that’s the bottom line. Congratulations! You’ve just wasted 8 seconds in mindless, time-filling blabber. Assuming you live to a ripe old age, you’ve just wasted 64 hours, or nearly three days in verbal spackle. We have such a beautifully descriptive language, and yet we often resort to fillers and aphorisms. Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Well, I’m here to say it is broke and must be fixed.

Enter, Paleo speak. It’s time we shorten our verbal communications to grunts and moans. Think that’s a great idea? Yeah, I think it’s a wonderful idea. Wrong! When someone asks you a question, a simple nod or grunt will do. There’s no need to pat them on the back with flowery verbal affirmation just to make them feel involved and secure. Think how much work our politicians could actually get done if they answered all questions in affirmative or negative grunts. I see these men and women asked direct questions that require only a simple yes or no, and they ramble on for 10 minutes. And when they’re finished, a little voice in my head tells me they just wasted 10 minutes of my life and never answered the question. Is this what evolution sounds like?

Look, nearly a third of your life is spent in bed. Figure about six years eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner — double that if you happen to be Italian, French, or Spanish. Waiting in line? Well, if you include traffic stops, that figure could be closer to five years. How about looking for things? You lost something, you know it’s in the house and will show up at some point and yet, you can’t help trashing the place until you find it. Take off a year or two right there. So you see, grunts and moans, nods and blinks can accomplish what mere words cannot. Cut down on needless verbosity, and you’ll have more time to hunt and gather. And that’s the bottom line.